Hello Friends,
In 1994, a Buddhist nun, Pema Chodron, wrote Start Where You Are, a book about finding your compassion in everyday life. I came upon this book in the late 1990s. It was not the book I was looking for at point in time in my life’s journey.
I was seeking change and continued spiritual evolution. The “Start” drew me in.
Chodron’s book, while important, is focused more on the “Where You Are” sentiment—suggesting a person can find compassion for themselves and others at any time in life. A transcendent sentiment, but as I said, not what I was looking for.
The where has always seemed obvious to me—we are all flawed humans. Where / what else could we be?
I hoped the book could provide me with a clue as to how one can “start.”
Evolution and transformation require a beginning. The bringing in of new conditions and habits (the stuff I talked about in the last newsletter—Time Do).
In the same year, 1994, Anne Lamott published her seminal writing book, Bird by Bird, a collection of essays. It was loosely based on the advice that she overheard her father giving her brother, who faced the daunting task of writing about all the birds in Massachusetts. The whole of the task could be broken up into documenting one bird at a time.
Over the years, the titles of these books have resonated with me. I couldn’t tell you what either of these books was actually about—I don’t remember their content. Yet, the words of the titles are always present, in the same way that you’d hear a friend say something and go, “That’s a great band name.”
There was a period in my life when I experienced paralyzing panic attacks. Like many of us, I had concerns that would bubble up, then spiral out of control. And before I knew it, I’d be walking around the neighborhood muttering to myself about all the ways the universe had cursed me (I know, first-world problems). As I was living alone and fairly isolated, these episodes sometimes went on for days.
Of course, all I had to do was stop and look up.
I live by the ocean, so my neighborhood can be very beautiful. A salty breeze or a seagull’s caw and I’d pause, look around, curse my self-indulgence, and begin problem-solving my way out of whatever sent me into that state of dread. I would often wander around in misery until I found this place.
It took me several years, but eventually I taught myself to notice when I was close to falling into an anxiety crisis. I would vocalize the two book titles: Start Where You Are and Bird by Bird. The messages I have internalized from those simple phrases immediately show a way out of whatever self-imposed hell I find myself in.
Those words have become a centering mantra for my daily life.
When a task seems insurmountable, or overly tedious, or just plain stupid but has to get done, I just whisper those words to myself.
Start where you are. Bird by bird.
The other day, while contemplating this and how those book titles have become a background hum in my head, I had a very practical thought:
How could I move forward from this very spot? Literally, how does one actually start something new? A big something. A total life change.
My mind returned to the writing of Deepak Chopra. I sort of remember, as I haven’t read him in years, that he wrote about people living 2 successive lives: one up to the age of 50. And a second new life, beginning at 50, with all the wisdom gathered from youth.
His position is that with the power of self-healing (and some debatable scientific) approaches, there should be no reason anyone couldn’t live to a 100-years-old, enough time for two healthy, full lives.
And, like Bruce Lee taking martial arts techniques from multiple disciplines, I liberally borrow the notion of a subsequent life without the burden of Chopra’s other thoughts.
What would one do with the opportunity of a second life?
The Law of Attraction, a loaded conflation of spiritual maneuvers, suggests that when one puts thoughts and energy towards a future life goal, they can manifest it. There has been recent research that suggests that on a neurological level, this actually works (without all the burning sage and ceremony—a future newsletter?).
Part of the Law of Attraction practice is to live as if you’ve already attained your intended goal. It’s a kind of fake-it-until-you-make-it thing until at some future point, you actually get what you requested.
But what if you didn’t do all that? No faking. No waiting.
Consider a fresh existence that begins with wisdom, experience, pain, and joy. And what if this second life started now, right now, today? Not at any specific future date? No business imagining you’re living some supposed life.
Just like, you know, an immediate new-you kind of reality.
What if you simply decided to be in your new life and see the present moment as where you already are? Rather than “working toward change” to some future state, you saw yourself as already complete. And the changes you want to make as things that you might add to your current, perfect life?
Could you approach the next moment with no judgement as to whether you were “there yet.” You are there, with maybe some things to do.
You don’t even have to change anything. You can just be open to what moves you.
Perhaps it seems subtle or a semantic play.
What if your life began now? Start where you are. Bird by bird. The next moment of your already new life.
Happy reading, happy writing, happy living,
David